dreaming.

So I had a dream this last night that I was in Italy with Melissa Culbertson. I was in the middle of talking to an old friend, when Melissa came up to me and said, "Jenni I just saw your grandfather and he wants to see you." I said, "Oh awesome! Take me to him, I want to see him now." We walked through the streets of Italy (which was beautiful by the way) and ended up at this really old church. I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in years and got into a small talk. I said, "I have to go now, I am about to see my grandfather whom I haven't seen since 1985." (Ps that is the year he died in real life) I turned around and the doors to the church opened. My grandfather came out, looking exactly as the last time I saw him. Extremely handsome, a clean cut Italian man. He jumped down the steps and started doing this silly dance of excitement, ran over to me and picked me up in his arms kissing me on the cheek and dancing in circles. We were both so happy and then I said to myself... "wait how is this possible, he's dead." Then I stopped and looked up at him and it was my dad. I started balling my eyes out and hugging him. He said, "I miss you. I miss my baby." I couldn't stop crying, it went into sobbing and squeezing him, saying "Daddy please don't go! I miss you so much!" He said, "I do too sweety, I love you so much." I told him I loved him, too. He started sobbing as we embraced so tight and BAM I woke up. I woke up balling my damn eyes out.

So.... here we have it. These dreams really screw me up. Although as much as they make me sad the rest of the day, it's worth it to see him. But here's the question. Do any of you believe it's real? And that he came to see me in my dream? Or do you just think it's my mind going through it's stupid grief. Be honest. Oh and if you tell me it's just a dream and grief, the next time I see you I may punch you in the face.

Enjoy.

Happy 40th Anniversary Mom and Dad.

Today is my parents 40th wedding anniversary. I wish my dad was alive to see it, but I know he does, I know he's with my mom right now in spirit.

40 years. I haven't even been alive that long and that's how long my parents were married (just shy of), let alone they dated for 2 years prior. I am in awe of the commitment they shared. My mom spoke a little of it tonight. To sum some of it up, this is her take on marriage and how they lasted that long.

"The only way I see marriage working and the way our marriage lasted was this, it has to be two people who are completely committed to the union of forever. There has to be a constant consideration of each other and the commitment they made. It can't have one person who is offensive to the other or to their commitment to each other. Sure there are rough times, but it is very important for both people involved to be moving towards that goal of 'forever' together."

She spoke more about it, but I kind of want to keep that for myself (and Josh). I have been blessed in life, being raised by parents who actually stayed together. I know I am lucky to have that. I wish everyone did. I like the idea of moving towards forever together. I miss my dad.

Here's to forever. Happy 40th Anniversary Mom and Dad. xoxo

.............

i miss my dad and it sucks. it really fucking sucks and my heart hurts a lot tonight.